Trying to fit in???

Picture of me in the first grade, and yes I wore this to school...

Lately, I've been thinking that its hard being a woman sometimes.  Insecurities, comparison, materialism, body image, and so many other things attempt to plague our minds day in and day out.  Why?  Why do we try so hard to fit in and be "accepted" if that's even what you want to call it.  Why do we constantly compare ourselves to other women?  This woman has it all together, this woman always looks perfect, this woman has so much cool stuff, this woman "pins" the neatest stuff on Pinterest, this woman looks like they have the "perfect" life (whatever that is), this woman is the best mother, this woman is so thin, this woman has great hair, and the list goes on and on and on....  Do you see what I'm getting at?  Why do we allow such thoughts, lies, emotions, and sins to rule our mind?

Then there is the desire to want to be a part of "that" group of women.  You know what I'm talking about.  For everyone this group looks different and is made up of different kinds of women.  I am not saying the group is either good nor bad, I am just saying we are always trying to be a part of it.  Remember high school?  We think if I could get the right clothes, the right hair do, and say the right thing, just maybe these people would look my way and somehow include me in there world.

Sadly, I've personally been a participant in all these things.  If I told you how hard I've tried to fit in with groups of people that I just so badly wanted to be a part of, YOU would be embarrassed for me!  To be quite honest, I've never been "cool," I've always been quite the opposite.  Let me just tell you a couple of stories so you can get the gist.  In elementary school my best-friends were my dogs and cats cause we lived on a farm, and I wore wedding veils and cat-woman costumes to school on a regular basis.  I didn't care what anyone thought and lived in my own world of imagination.  In junior high I fell down a flight of stairs in front of the whole lunch crowd and wore blue eyeshadow that made "mimi" from the Drew Carey Show look discrete.  In high school, I wanted to sell my car and proceeded to put the for sale sign on the OUTSIDE of the car instead of the inside and kept wondering why in the world the thing wouldn't stay on, and then did the same thing in college with a sun visor that my parents bought me to protect my car.  Hmmm...  Now, you get my point?  Then I married a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful man that was the same way growing up.  He used to crochet under his desk in Elementary school, hand out prizes to the boys playing football in first grade cause he didn't know how to play football yet, and then sit in his room all day teaching himself the piano and guitar and drawing cause he was grounded half his life.  We were made for each other...

No matter what we are like we ALL have insecurities and a desire to want to fit in, be accepted,  and be a part of something.  Sadly, I often don't do with these desires what I should.  Because I have all this in my soul, I should be running to the cross daily and moment by moment finding all that I need in Christ.  We KNOW that nothing else satisfies and even if we were ever able to get to that place of perfection we are aiming for, become friends with those people that we want to so badly, own, cook, or accomplish everything on our Pinterest board, write the coolest blog with the most hits, or get the most likes on Facebook.  (let's face it yall, if left unrestrained, our sinful nature really does work this way, at least mine does) We would still be left empty and completely unsatisfied.  We live in a consumer driven culture where's there's always something newer, better, and more alluring then the last thing.  We get and we get and we get but are left still wanting.  That's because only one thing will fill every void, longing, and desire in our souls and that's a relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ.

However, it doesn't stop there, after being converted and given a completely new nature (1 Corin. 5:17) your desires have changed and you no longer want to go roll around in the filth and murk of the world, instead you desire Christ, His Word, and being with His people.  But since that pesky flesh is still intact until we meet Him in Glory we are constantly faced and tempted with sin.  Therefore, that is why I'm writing this blog.  I am tired of struggling with the same old sins that consume my time and rob me of joy found in the Lord.  In order to conquer this sin of comparison, longing to fit in, jealousy, and materialism.  I must look to Jesus Christ and His forgiveness of my sins and out of such gratitude for what He has done for me, aim to live a life that is honoring and pleasing to Him and Him alone.  You see, we must NEVER try to do things in order to gain a right standing before God because we CAN'T and never will!!!  It is only by grace and through faith in the Gospel that we are saved and cleansed of all our sin.

Again, if I had achieved this, I wouldn't be blogging about it.  This is an area where I desperately need to change and grow in.  I know that I can only do that through the empowering grace of God through His Holy Spirit helping me by sanctifying me through His Word and lots and lots of prayer.  It is a daily process and most of the times, not a very pretty one.  The encouraging thing is that we like little children grow in the Kingdom of God and we don't have to remain infants forever.  "Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up into salvation—if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is good.
(1 Peter 2:2-3 ESV) 

I will conclude with this great encouragement Beloved.  I'm resolving for myself to not aim for the goals of this world which lead to destruction but to aim for goals of the coming Kingdom.  This is not our home so don't get too comfortable there are greater things to come, like getting to meet the Author and Finisher of our Faith, our Great Savior, Jesus Christ. If you don't fit in, be encouraged, you're not suppose to.  Jesus didn't...and He said, when the world hates you, remember that it hated me first...

Keep on Straining Toward the Goal!!!

12 Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. 13 Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Oh the Joy when we get to see Him face to face!!!

Much Much Love & Gratitude for God's Immeasurable Grace, 

Cait 

Confessions of a New Mother: Part 1

Lily at the beach in the Virgin Islands.

Hello there!

I hope all of your holidays were wonderful and filled with the joy!!!  We are just recouping from the holiday season around the Graham household.  We did A LOT of traveling and are very glad to be home for awhile.  Over the holiday season I've been thinking a lot about my new role as a mother.  There is a pool of emotions stirring around the the mind and heart of a new mother.  First, there's sleep deprivation through the newborn stage, then there's the shock of the newborn that sleeps all the time during the day coming alive stage, then there's the "wow, I think I've got this down," stage (this stage quickly passes,) and all of these stages are wrapped up into one big emotion that leads and drives all of our service to our little ones... 

"I could not possibly love this child anymore than I do that completely depends upon me for everything and looks at me with such dependence and innocence."

However, along the way there is lesson after lesson after lesson that you are learning while taking care of such a gift from God and there's a deepening realization that none of us really know what we are doing and we are all learning along the way.  With that being said, here are a few of 10 of my confessions while in the learning process.

1.  I have often pretended that having a child was a lot easier than it really is.  (The Lord convicted me of this and it was so relieving when I let down the front.)
2.  I don't wash my hair that often.  (I do bathe regularly but washing and drying of the hair has become foreign since becoming a momma.) Therefore, I use dry shampoo.  This stuff is a life saver for new mothers! (I've provided the link just in case you want to give it a shot)
3. I often eat standing up and really fast.  I used to be the slowest eater known to man, now I eat on the run and basically shovel the food into my mouth without tasting it.  
4. I sometimes fall asleep on the couch while Lily is watching Praise Baby and playing with her toys bright and early in the morning.  She is an awesome sleeper but I stay up way too late reading and hanging out with Michael so it leaves me tired in the mornings.  This is not a good habit and I need to start going to bed earlier but it has yet to change.
5. Lily and I are at Walmart and Target WAY too much.  I don't have a lot of ideas of places to go with a 10 month old, therefore, we end up at Walmart or Target.  We hardly ever buy anything but we just browse the isles to have an "outing," for the day.  You know its bad when your baby starts laughing when we start walking into Target and knows that we will make a lap around the dollar section when we enter.  I am currently working on finding more productive outings for Lily and I just in case you are worried.  :) 
6. I miss date nights with my husband.
7. After Lily goes to sleep around 7:30, I go into to check on her at least 5 times to make sure she's warm before going to bed.
8. I try to get the most of my money in a diaper, so sometimes I let it go way too long and we have a major leakage.  After cleaning it up, I realize this money saving idea was a bad idea. 
9. I sometimes get impatient with Lily when she's simply being a baby and fussing.  I feel it rising up in me and sometimes it terrifies me how much I'm not like Christ.  He is never impatient with me and I act as infant towards Him all the time.
10. I am still have so much in me that is selfish. 

Us mothers do so much during a day, we basically are in a daily process of dying to our self for the sake of another or others needs.  We don't get to sit down very often, we are constantly cleaning up after someone, we are always needed, lacking sleep, and sometimes under appreciated.  But the bottom line is, that's what we were designed to do.  If you are the Lord's and you are a mother it is a designated means that the Lord uses to conform you into the image of His Son.  He humbled himself to the place of a servant, even to the point of death.  That's some serious servitude.  

I just named a couple simple confessions and all of them are real and honest.  Some of them are just silly rantings of a new mom but some of them point me to my ever present need for more conformity to Christ.  This may sound harsh, believe me, most days I want to throw a pity party for myself and ignore the truths of Scripture but truth is truth.  And when I throw a pity party for myself no one ever shows up, its just me and my stubborn self.  But, when we surrender to the truth of the Gospel and take hold of the promises and grace that come through Jesus Christ then we have bliss and overwhelming peace.  Parenting doesn't seem so hard when you have God Himself guiding you, helping you, enabling you, and reminding you of His love for you moment by moment.  God laid out a very steep picture of a woman and mother in Scripture in the Proverbs 31 woman.  This woman has always seemed to taunt me with her obedience, serving heart, and discipline, but the reality is I just didn't want to aim that high.  But she was put into Scripture by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit for a divine purpose of ministering to us women the standard God holds out for us to aim for but NOT to go about it alone.

Therefore Beloved, may we look to our Lord Jesus for help, for He is our ever-present Help in time of need and He will never leave us or forsake us.  He is gracious and full of mercy just waiting for us to ask Him for help and depend upon Him for strength.  I pray that I never come across self-righteous or like I know it all.  That is the farthest thing from the truth.  I am just a pilgrim on this short journey and my only hope is Christ, I'm clinging to Him with all that I have because all I have is filthy rags.  "Oh, how He loves us!" "Oh, how He loves us!"

From one mother to another,

Caitlyn Graham